I am writing to you from under the cafe air conditioner. I am writing from the end of a long, green winter. Now, I leave the window open at night and the air is sweet and heavy with the jasmine that will be honey in a few months. It smells like another place, some place that has only ever been a memory, and whose enduring absence makes the air more fragrant. I’m a little bird in my nest of blankets, the air pressing down on my forehead like a cool hand on a fever. I wake to some woman shouting at my neighbors to get their dogs under control, and couldn’t they see the dog almost bit her in the face? But it wasn’t the dog that woke me up.
Here’s a handshake between two impulses; to curate vs. to create. Where you curate a playlist, but can’t write a song. Where you assemble an outfit but have no idea how to sew. I’ve started to think that maybe all I’ve got is a keen eye for the things I find beautiful. I like arranging them and creating pleasing shapes. I like my ducks in a row. Is this my novel? Or is it some lovely plagiarism, a thing that can only exist thanks to the labor of someone else?
Here is what I’ve been collecting in the last few months, condensed and neatly wrapped. To pinpoint something about the passage of time that has been evading me.
Books
I’ve finally kicked my reading slump and managed to get through 11 books so far in 2024. Included below are the ones I enjoyed (minus Anais Nin’s Little Birds, which Zoe took with her back to Montreal). I’ve been trying to substitute reading for other cravings, and it seems to be working well enough.
The Days of Abandonment, Elena Ferrante — This book made me so mad for her it was great.
Bad Behavior, Mary Gaitskill — Brilliant snippets of interpersonal connection, particularly conflict in female friendship.
The Companion Species Manifesto, Donna Haraway — First read a passage in an anthropology class about her kissing her dog, and just had to know more. Explores microbiomes and the breakdown of the self.
The Complete Fear of Kathy Acker, Jack Skelley — I really wanted this book to be over while I was reading it but it was also kind of fun and outrageous to see a man so horny and so unmoored from the stakes of reality. Not about Kathy Acker at all, just in her literary tradition.
Existentialism is a Humanism, Sartre — I actually haven’t read it yet but including for posterity. It was a good find from the thrift store, and besides it’s my roundup and I make the rules.
Play it as it Lays, Didion — I told my tattoo artist I was reading this and they said something like “of course you are.” A little ashamed it took me so long to get around to it, being a resident of Los Angeles and all. Stellar though.
I Who Have Never Known Men, Jacqueline Harpman — I think I learned about this book from a reel which is shameful but not as shameful as including the Sartre when I haven’t read it yet so there you have it. Makes me want to write (and read more) speculative fiction.
I’m sorry to leave out the books I did not enjoy, but they did not fit into my curation, and thus will remain secret.
Speaking of new tattoos here is the one I got:
Music
My top song of Q1 is Blur’s Country House. Also had quite a moment with Sophie Ellis-Bextor and Kylie Minogue. Really charmed by 2000s dance beats lately. The other day I listened to audiobooks Now! (in a minute) and found it really fun and absurd, although it’s been out since 2018 so I’m late to the party. This is in keeping with tradition, my top song of 2023 — Outside by Parquet Courts — got me lambasted by my boyfriend of nearly 3 years. There’s no accounting for taste.
Here’s the playlist:
Garments
Objects
It’s with a heavy heart that I report that the ‘stuff found on the street’ count remains at zero so far in 2024. I did see this kind of haunting chair the other day on a walk, but it was dirty up close. Also spotted a velvet pink chaise longue on my way to work, but didn’t have time to stop or snap a photo. Hoping for better luck in Q2.
Food
When Zoe was visiting me we went to the Echo Park farmer’s market and bought this sauce (the Crazy Mix) and made a pita wrap with chickpeas, feta, and cucumber. It was divine. I went back and they were doing a four for $20 deal on sauces, so I bought three new ones and a container of peach labneh. The jury is out on whether or not four sauces for $20 is a good deal. I say yes, it’s $5 for a sauce and besides, I wanted to try four anyway. My roommates pointed out that the sauce is only $5 if you spend $20, so really you’re buying one medium sauce for $20. I refuse to concede.
Movies
I haven’t watched very many movies yet this year. Excluding the box office hits (Poor Things, Dune: Part 2…Wonka) I’ve seen three that warrant mention.
David Lynch’s Dune lives up to expectations…based on everything I’d heard I expected it to be bad. Unfortunately, it’s borderline unwatchable, though I do have a soft spot for the practical effects because they remind me of 2000s era Doctor Who, which probably reminded a lot of people of Dune.
My roommate’s aunt made this movie and the house was very divided on it. I thought it was charming and experimented with form in compelling ways. Sparked an interesting conversation about whether movies can be “good” if there is no plot and the acting is bad…to which I say yes. There’s more than one way to peel an orange. Kind of reminded me of a Michel Gondry music video (White Stripes Hardest Button to Button or Cibo Matto’s Sugar Water came to mind).
Was told to watch this movie because I was wearing a fur coat like the one worn by Nancy Allen. Film buffs on Letterboxd seem to really like this one, but I wasn’t entirely sold. For me, it got caught somewhere awkward between arthouse and action, although I did like the shot of him recording on the bridge.
Alright, it’s getting to be evening, so now I’m going to open the window and maybe eat some gelato and finally move my wet clothes into the dryer. In the spirit of curation, I might even try to sort them. ☞
bad behavior <3
but how crazy is the crazy mix